the pic for its Big Brother. Tour video
and audio page here
start off at the beginning. On the Friday, Adie Barrett decided the best ay to avoid
the traffic on the A303 at Stonehenge was to use the old A30. Little
did we know that his car would gradually fall away - this part of the
exhaust was the first.
Down in the Seiners Arms on Friday
evening a fair bit of jollity was going down. During a game of pool,
Matt decided to make Dazza's path to potting just that little bit more
difficult than usual.
shot failed to go in as the red ball slowly glided into the camera
lens, safely away from the pocket. One may hazard a guess that Dazza
was not quite 100% happy with this state of affairs.
Isn't it strange dear viewer how the
presence of a camcorder encourages dreadful hamming possible from
those who usually inform you go forth and multiply.
And now the first pic of the cause
of the name given to this years' tour video - "Curse Of The
Virgin Tourist". While the video is not quite in the Hammer
Horror stakes, one can rest assured that the shirt worn here
Is it the "Blair Witch Project
2 - The Sequel To The Follow-up"? Or is the light in the room
simply getting darker as Tim's' flaring nostrils envelop everyone in
Now Martin and Gary are two
Vice-Presidents who just happen to indulge in the odd game. On tour
though, they are just one (or two) of the crowd, subject to the fines
that are dished
Beefy, who showed them no remorse whatsoever. Wanting their lodgings
to be away from ours, imagine their
horror to be located outside the gate of the Ponsmere Hotel where the
rest of us were - and then be fined for it!
The "Watering Hole" on
Perranporth Beach makes a fine night's venue with live music, pleasant
barmaids and even the odd Real Ale. This year saw a new club record
set there - a twelve-hour marathon from 12pm till 12am! A few things
of interest over the days occurred here...
....including the rather grim
discovery that "Ben the Tour Virgin", was rapidly turning
into "Ben the Tour Alcoholic". He recalls that often during
the 12 hour shift there were often BEERS lined up for various persons
present. His dad Gary (one of the Vice-Presidents with us) came in for
....with his mate Martin (pictured,
the other V-P). We regaled the pair with a series of musically
challenged throaty belters, such as "It's Past Your
Bedtime", "You're Old And You Know You Are" plus the
ultimate classic (to the tune of "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep") "Woke Up This Morning And I Felt Really Old". It doesn't get
much better than this. Hear the soundtrack
Jason Stephens (right) had spent
part of Tuesday evening buried under the mass that is "Big
Jay" Walliker (left). During this time he also took grief from
his mate Jeff, who asked where was his food, and Jay S told Big Jay
"I don't want to spend the rest of my ****ing weekend here!"
This was the moment when the two Jasons made it all up (as we make it all
this is worrying. Trigger Barrett is pictured here before the start of
the Mount Hawke game, his knees held together with Elastoplast,
string, stockings and anything else that comes to hand. Matt was moved
to ask: "If you remove all that, do your knees fall off?" Be fair,
chaps, it's the best support he'll have all year.
The same game, and Tour Virgin Ben
has been in for only a short time and already cored a few boundaries,
one a big six. This shot pictured looked quite effortless but was so
beautifully timed it became another six over the bowlers head. He was
out soon after, attempting another smash for 28. But what promise.
Jeff Pooley, the last man in (at the
last minute!) claimed he'd be out "in a couple of balls".
Strangely, once at the wicket the next delivery removed Trigger
Barrett's bails, rendering Jeff a "not out" for no
deliveries and 'less than' one minute innings. Hmmm.
We are not sure what is occurring
here, but anything with Mike Lewis in has to be questionable. Here,
Ian Vane appears to be reversing into Mike - a very dodgy practice
even when sober - with the intention of leading the camera toward
Kevin and his Swamp Donk, er, sorry, we mean friend.
While we're on the subject of mike,
on his return from the nightclub on Saturday, he sported a false moustache in
the best Jimmy Edwards' tradition. That doesn't mean much if you've
never heard of "Whack-O!" Even if you have, never tell Mike.
The tour was starting to wind down
on Monday evening when this occurred. Basically, Ben had got "Chappie"
in an impossible snooker on the Pool table. The expression says it
The exact point during an Air Hockey
game and the flippin' puck had found its way onto the floor yet again.
A quick throw-in and Matt tries to intercept it. With painful
....that led Matt astray, trying to
find ways of cooling his poor little pinkie down. Poking his digit in
his cold lager, he firmly told it "Don't drink it all!"
before someone pointed out the puck was actually still in play....
This innocuous container holds the
49 balls for our "Blottery". For this year, Beefy obtained a
salad spinner, purchased before it was discovered that the balls
did not fit! So this "Dusty Bin - pile of crap" was
hurriedly bought in its place.
Tim once went to sleep on top of a
pool table in the bar - now Ben tries to follow him. There is one
major difference though, Tim did not use a deckchair mattress on top
of the green baize.
Monday evening degenerated into a
playfully vicious bundle at one stage, involving a publican, the
entertainments manager, assorted guests - and Bertie, pictured here
with the ultimate in deadly blow-up plastic hammers.
Ben was struggling by now, bawling
to everyone that they'll be "going home in a bloody
ambulance" before settling down on a row of bar stools for a
grand total of 8 seconds.
Meanwhile at the other end, the
Bundle was well and truly out of control, the furniture was now being
brought into play by Malcolm the Publican to protect Bertie and co.
from the dreaded onslaught of playing cards from the entertainment
manager's end. Oh yes.
Time to go home.... It's Tuesday
morning and the luggage had to be shoveled
into the car boots for the journey home and everyone was licking their
wounds. Except Dazza, who was looking forward to a cream tea. Don't
Tim likes to look his best and why
not. Here he is on the Tuesday morning, caught in action giving the
camera a bit of a grooming show as the legendary "curtains"
are pasted back into place behind his earlobes.
It's all too much. Ben, caught on
camera by front-seat passenger Beefy not such a great distance up the
A30 while still in Cornwall. Trigger was driving, and once back at his
abode, Ben awoke to inform all present of his desire to go home to
bed. This was at 5pm....